Jordan Book 4

Crazy Love 

By: Francis Chan

"O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long." - A.W.Tozer

Chan uses this quote to start off the chapter in Crazy Love that spoke the most to me. Not only did it speak truth to me in this season of my life, but it also reminded me of so much I have lost sight of. The book is about the Lord inviting His people into a life and love with him, and this chapter held so much of its meaning. The ideas of love and God are huge in themselves, but Chan touched on it in such a way that it was clear that love and God are intimate, chosen, desirable things the Lord offers us. 

Lately, I have lost my "fire" for truly LIVING every day through the Lord. I feel as if I have just existed; I have not been living fully in the ways I know are possible with God. On top of that, I have started this book three times now; the third being the time I actually finished it. With some of the things on my heart and mind as I began the book, I knew this could be a time I saw some of that "fire" again. Thankfully, and by the Lord revealing to me and my choice to abide in those things, I feel like I am living more than just existing. I was rereading this chapter, and this sums up the challenge and lesson I am learning.

 "As we being to focus more on Christ, loving Him and others becomes more natural. As l;long as we are pursuing Him, we are satisfied in Him. It is when we stop actively loving Him that we find ourselves restless and gravitating toward other means of fulfillment"(Chan 104).

Back to the A.W.Tozer quote. I read that over and over; it gave me goosebumps. Although the language is above what my cry to the Lord is, it meant the same thing: I know I need you, God, but help me want you and life with you again and again. Because of my lack of desire lately, I found myself in between the words of Tozer's. And I have had a few moments here and there when I recognized it and sought out the Lord. There have also been the times when I didn't know what to do. I have finally come to a place where I am consciously asking and seeking and desiring the Lord every day in every situation. The "fire" is rekindling. A.W. Tozer said it in a way that treats our ears, swells our hearts, and inclines our spirit, and I am so glad that Crazy Love has shown this to me in a fresh, personal, obtainable way.  It is a challenge, but an even greater to be thirty, to desire, to long, to know, to rise, and to go again.